Imagine, create & doodle!

Ask An Autism Mom EP. 55

Preventing Caregiver Burnout

Caregiver burn out, depression and anxiety are very real in the special needs community.

That's when you completely just, you're done. It's as my grandmother used to say, your goose is cooked. And we came upon this taboo subject that nobody wants to talk about, but everybody needs to know...

Watch Full Reply

Episode Highlights:

Today we are sitting down with blogger and special needs mom Kori. We will be having an open and honest discussion on mental health for caregivers. Both the struggles we face and tips to help.

Transcript:

Jenn Eggert: Hi everyone and welcome back to ask an autism mom. I'm Jenn Eggert of lakikid.com and you can join me every Monday at 1:00 PM eastern to meet other parents, learn tips and tricks and share your insights on today's show. We'll be back with Kori Mom of three special needs, Mom of two who is a blogger and a parenting coach. I want to welcome those of you watching live on Facebook or listening to the podcast or on youtube or on iTunes as well. If you want to get alerts to join us live and ask questions live, you can visit lakikid.com/live or type the number "5" in the comments section now.Now, if you're just joining us, you're listening to you ask an autism mom.And today Kori and I are sitting down to have a real talk, no holds bar. This is real life of an autism mom. We're talking mental health.

Kori: Yeah

Jenn Eggert: So we can't wait to dig into this topic with you today, but first we have to give a huge shout out to our sponsor. Today's show is brought to you by lakikid.com. This month we celebrate the launch of our newest product, the new write and chill weighted lap pad on Kickstarter. We're having a lot special launch party for our Kickstarter on Tuesday, May 7th, that's tomorrow at 1:00 PM eastern where we will be giving away over $2,270 worth of prizes. For those of you who can't join us live tomorrow, you still have a chance to win by visiting us at Lakikid.com/kickstarter to sign up for a special Kickstarter launch giveaway where we will be giving away three of our products each week. So come join us@lakikid.com/kickstarter to celebrate and have some fun. Remember folks, this is the write and chill. It is the 2.8 pounds, almost three pound writeable lap pad.

Jenn Eggert: Do you use a water pen and your design write draw. And then when it dries, the design goes away. Trust me, my children love it. Now I'm so happy to see all of you join us. We had Jess and Debra and Jessica and Shannon. Hi everybody. Today is going to be different.Kori and I are going to talk, there's no interview, there's no set questions. I'm going to be asking her. We are going to talk and we want you to be part of the conversation. So ask your questions during the show. Talk. Give your comments during the show. Be Part of the show with us. Again, I am interviewing Kori, well not interviewing, talking with Kori who is a stay at home mom and blogger. She has two special needs children, one non special needs child or neurotypical. She is also a parenting and you're a parenting coach, right Kori parents and coaches.

Kori: and as I called myself a autism family lifestyle blog. So it's all about balancing the autism family, real life and all that good stuff.

Jenn Eggert: And that's one thing I want people to understand. Balancing life is hard.

Kori:It's an illusion actually.

Jenn Eggert: It is.

Kori:I think so.

Jenn Eggert:First I just wanted to let you guys know that any caregiver of a special needs Person Risks Carrier was called caregiver burnout. That's when you completely just, you're done. It's as my grandmother used to say, your goose is cooked. Now I want to let you also know that caregivers have a much higher rate of anxiety, depression, sleep issues, and more. If you suffer from any of these, please, please seek professional help, doctors, therapists, counselors, parenting coaches can also kind of give you a walkthrough. Kori, I've bet you've had parents that you've walked through this mental health minefield with.

Kori: Oh, absolutely.but there's only so much I think that Harrington coaches are capable of doing or are certified to zoo, right Because so many of us don't have that next step of professional credentials. And My background for education for college was in psychology.but I still don't have that, you know, the phd or anything after my initials.

Jenn Eggert: So if you are having major issues, folks call it therapists. Call your doctor. start there.I know many companies offer, I want to say it's called an EAP, which is five free sessions of counseling. Find out if your insurance offers it. You'd be surprised how much five sessions help.

Kori: Yeah. And I think most insurance companies now are offering, or at least they're offering better mental health services with their bed, their basic plans, which is awesome because yes, we can take care of, you know, physically it's best we can, but if we're not taking care of ourselves mentally, right, still not going to be in the best place.

Jenn Eggert: I agree there bro. Welcome, Shannon. Welcome. Hey, Jason. Amber. Hi Kelly. Welcome Linda. Hi, welcome. You know, it has been with us from pretty much day one, so everybody, I want to welcome you again and remind you today show is very different. Chime in if you have something to say. Say it. We want to hear from you. So Kori and I have been doing a lot of shows together as you've noticed in a lot of work together. And we came upon this taboo subject that nobody wants to talk about, but everybody needs to know about it's mental health. How many parents are willing to say, I struggle from mental health issues. Most parents or caregivers actually have PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder, just from diagnosis alone. Folks that's not from the sleepless days, the meltdowns, that constant dealing with IEP is in school problems and behavioral problems. And Kori and I could go on and on about all the issues we face for hours.

Kori: If your child has, my daughter has a history of a little thing that's so heavy, that's a whole hypervigilance thing. Hadn't been there too, which also very closely resembles PTSD. So some days I'm not sure. That's all right. There's something going on here. I'm not sure what, there's something

Jenn Eggert: And that's the thing folks, we all battle it. So why not admit it and open discussion. I am tired of mental health being this quiet little thing. I remember as a child being raised around my uncles and they were schizophrenia and it was hush hush. You never admitted it. My uncle died in his sixties and he never really was accepted because of that side of him. And I don't like that. I want everyone to be accepted for who they are, how they are and that everything changes. I will be right back. Kori if you want to continue.

Kori:And it's interesting too with that we are having this conversation right now in the United States, May is mental health month, and I just went to the National Alliance on mental illness website. And what if there are things on here that you can says one in five people who's going to be affected by mental illness in their lifetime.


Kori: For me personally, this started when I was a teenager and I don't want to say that it's gotten better. It's, it's not that it's gone away or that I don't think it ever will go away. It's just sometimes definitely in better coping strategies.


Kori: Yeah. Kelly and, and Melinda, absolutely. We, and just see, look at this, you know, a lot of us, we struggle with these things and I think it's time. It's high time that we all just, we accept this for what it is and stop with all of the judgment and the negativity and people who have mental health issues because it affects more people than moving then I think we're ever going to realize. And the more that we talk about it and the more that we are open about it. and yeah, I'll say for myself personally, the reason I don't like talking about or that I haven't talked about it in the past is because I hate being vulnerable like that because if I had always been in the mindset that it made me more weed and you know, when you feel we can feel exposed, you feel like someone's going to attack you for that kind of stuff. When in reality if I am owning my mental health issues, I'm not being weak. That's a sign of strength, you know And I'm not saying that

Kori: but good afternoon Holly.

Jenn Eggert:sorry folks.

Kori:That's okay. We were just talking about the fact that May is mental health awareness month in the states and according to the national, what is this National Alliance on mental illness, one in five people will be affected by mental illness in their lifetime.

Jenn Eggert: And when you look at special needs parents, the numbers actually almost triple.Yup. Which is scary. Now,let me go back. Just, I know I've spoken to you multiple times and I know you struggle with mental health, but you're doing so great right now, Melinda. You're like me. It's, it comes in, it goes, you have your good days and your bad days. And Kori and I both admit we have our good days and bad days.

Kori:There are some good hours and my back.

Jenn Eggert: or is it some days It's minute to minute. Let's admit it folks, some days, especially lately some of you may have seen, I'm dealing with one of the millions in America dealing with invisible illness. I had to actually go off a minute ago because my insurance called again. But with all of that going on, I find I struggle from second to second. I'll be happy. And then my son or daughter, I'll say something, I'll be like, where did that come from

Jenn Eggert: I'm so angry now.Kori, did we deal with Kelly's comment

Kori:Yes.

Jenn Eggert: Okay. I just wanted to make sure Kelly, please know that you can probably get free counseling in therapy for yourself and your family in the wake of losing your ex boyfriend. I know he was your ex, but x is still have a pivotal role in our lives. Especially, I don't know if it's your situation. If we share a child, I know Kori has shares a child with someone and they may not be best friends, but they share a child together and what happens to him still affects you, right Kori

Kori: Oh absolutely.where he are, which again, this is a whole nother topic for a home of their day, but learning how to co parent with my ex, but I still struggle with that. but ultimately if you know, it was what's going to be, that's for our daughter. And he might not be best for me anymore, but he's still what's best for them.

Jenn Eggert: And Megan can go on another day. Coparenting a special needs child cause I don't think we've ever looked at that before. I'm Pauline. Hey, I will call you back today Paula. And I promise Pauline is one of my dear friends who called me last night and kind of got cut off because it was a rough night.


Jenn Eggert:Jessica has struggled with anxiety for years more after her son was born in medical issues. Going through cancer twice in my son's issues hasn't been easy. Jessica, like I said, I get it. I'm one of the millions battling invisible illness. People don't see it, but it's there. People don't see cancer a lot of times, but it's there and then you add a special needs child in. I will admit this is the only part of my house you're allowed to see because I struggle. My house is not the way my OCD self wants it to be because my health has declined and as my health has declined, my mental health has declined. My insurance is actually pushing me into therapy, which I will be starting very soon because of this and Melinda, Kori and I agree fully. It feels good to be able to say, Hey, I do struggle. I don't have it all together. I'm human and I need help. Kori, I mean,

Kori: which I was saying when you were on the phone, the reason I never talked about it before because it was always, I felt like I was being weak and that I was showing weakness by saying, Oh, I've got these struggles, but then I had this like epiphany about month. I'm not being, you've hadn't been strong because I'm saying, yeah, this is me. This is who I am. I'm taking ownership of this crap is it, it's still sucks. It's still not easy to deal with, but this is not the weak at all.

Jenn Eggert: We need to speak. We need to say, Hey, look at me. I need help.

Kori: Yup. And there's nothing weak about that.
Jenn Eggert: No, there's nothing

Jenn Eggert: Pauline. We agree. Special needs parents often suffer the most.

Kori: that's the other part of it too is that at least I found for me, I've lost quite a few friends because I just don't have the time to do certain things anymore. Or, you know, I just, I didn't have a very small or very big circle of friends to begin with. And now,parenting special needs kids, it's, it's isolating. It's really isolating. And then you add on to that, you know, when you're a stay at home mom it can be even more isolating because oftentimes we just get into this point where it's like, you know, this is our comfort zone and we don't want to leave the comfort zone. So we've got all of these things that are just kind of pushing against us from the outside.

Jenn Eggert: Plus oftentimes are our social group, our circle of friends, our friends that we've had for years who don't know what our life is like. I mean, more so Kori's daughter's older, but Riley seven, a lot of my friends just don't understand. I mean, I've had friends question, well, are you sure she's autistic Yes, we're sure well, can, can you take her out They just, they don't understand. And it makes it harder because you're constantly explaining, no, I can't do that. No, I can't go out. No, I can't because there was a time when Riley couldn't do any of that. Now I have a comment from Yvonne that I want to,

Kori:I was just reading that too.

Jenn Eggert:Yes, Kori, I want you to handle that one because you being a single mom would be better.

Kori:A mom of a child. The spectrum, although he is high functioning, it's been a struggle with obtaining his diagnosis and journey. She's done the song alone.her son's father has had zero presence. He was an abusive partner, so she goes through bouts of depression, not so much sadness with the physical fatigue and struggling to get motivated. And Yvonne, I just want to reach out and give you a virtual hug. Because that's just the other thing too. When people say they have a depression or when they get diagnosed with depression, because that whole, like the stereotypical viewpoint and someone who's depressed is that they're always sad. And I think that's one reason why people are just so quick to write it off because they're like, well, you're not crying all the time. You don't look depressed. Like, look, sometimes my depression looks like I'm really angry and pissed off or that I just don't have the motivation or abuse something.

Kori: My anxiety looks really productive because I'm thinking about a lot of things and I'm overthinking a lot of things. That's what my anxiety looks like. It doesn't look like I'm afraid to leave my house. It doesn't look like I don't want all the time. That doesn't look like I don't want to deal with people. I anxiety. It was very productive because I can't sleep because I have so much running through my head. And I think that was the other thing too. I think this is the other reason why it's so important to talk about mental health because it looks different for so many people.

Jenn Eggert: And her last line. People don't understand that mental health issues come with fatigue.

Jenn Eggert: everything going through your head. It's too tired after awhile.

Kori: We have a couple of comments here. Yes. One from Cali, Kaylie, Haley. I don't want to mess up her name. She says, and the African American community mental health is frowned upon, so I've always hit it, but as my daughter gets older and it's becoming an everyday struggle with her mental illness, it's really tough. The reason I want to talk to you specifically about that, one is recognizing mental health issues in the minority community.No offense, he's not trying to start re sports here, but for minorities it does need to be addressed and similar to the African American community for Asian Americans, we have this like family stigma almost this familial pressure sick. Whoa, I can't be perfect. So, uh, back off.


Kori: It's tough because then you have all these other different factors in there and yeah, that's it.

Jenn Eggert: Yup. Jason just said too, this is the same in the Asian community. People just don't talk about the mental issues.

Jenn Eggert: We don't, it's true. And remember, this is why Jason started lakikid because he came from Japan where there was no treatment for his son, there was no help. So instead of hiding behind the mask of everything's perfect, which most minorities are being forced to do, Jason took a leap of faith in him and his wife moved to the United States and got their son treatment. That was a huge move. And I can tell you Jason and his wife probably had so much anxiety just from having to leave all this familiar to give their children a better life. And that's why you created lakikid was because we wanted an open place for people to be honest, for people to help each other.

Kori: Nora, she says that she is struggling all the time. She is a single mom with a daughter Cheyenne who is nonverbal and has epilepsy.that nonverbal autism piece. I've got quite a few posts over on my blog about that just because that's another one of those.

Kori: I went through, I've talked about openly on my blog that I went through this, the disenfranchised grief. Or it's a special kind of, it's not disenfranchised necessarily, but there's a different types of grief that I think some parents do go through with the autism diagnosis. And it's not that your Chai, obviously we know our child is still here, but for me it was that all of the hopes, all of the teams, all the, everything. I had my child up until that point or just gone and they were just taken away. I still love my daughter. I will always love my daughter. But then when we got the nonverbal diagnosis on top of that, it's like, oh, okay, this is your, this is the second punch. Thanks ever so much. I was just, you know, I was devastated. I think I might've cried and might have been more upset when we, you know, if I'm, as I said, she was going to be non speaking and

Jenn Eggert: I think every, every piece that came in the puzzle. Yeah. the autism diagnosis was another punch to the gut.the sleep, the verbal issues, the reciprocal and not was nonreciprocal verbal skills. It's a punch.

Kori: And Jessica said that it took her a few years to actually open up and now she has definitely get good. That is awesome.


Jenn Eggert: Pauline, you know, I agree. Pauline is my tribe. She is a woman that picks me up when I am down. She always tells me, you're not a supermom

Kori: drop that supermom mentality. Because that just made me even more stressed out because I was trying to live up to this vision of perfection in my head and I put some much stress, an internal pressure on myself. It was ridiculous. I agree.

Jenn Eggert: Now, Angel, I want to get to you. Angel has depression, anxiety, manic depression, bipolar and social anxiety. My house isn't a disaster and we argue about it. She started new meds and hoping to see the mental health two times a week. She's so depressed, was zero energy and not being able to afford anything him. He needs like the weighted blanket or anything that can help him at all. She it kills her. I want to deal with this on two different fronts. Angel. Thank you. I am so proud of you for seeking the help that you need. I will admit I am bipolar. I take medication every day to control my bipolar and insomnia.

Jenn Eggert: I, my house is a disaster sometimes. Yes. My husband and I argue about it, but we're learning to work together. Now on another front. Angel, I want to say tomorrow I am hosting a special trivia Tuesday where you can have chance to win items that would benefit your child and we're also opening up a contest tomorrow where we will do three winners a week for the month, to win different things to help your children, different lakikid products. So please Angel, try and catch us tomorrow at 1:00 PM eastern or watch the replay to find out how to enter for more. Hopefully you can win and get your son some products if you wait until the end of the show. I will explain more about tomorrow.Yvonne, I'm so happy that this is helping you. Kori and I realized two weeks ago this is needed.


Kori: This is Yvonne. It's also saying she's still involved and this is something I think moms in general, we are so guilty doing this. We are so involved with everything else that would be the usually last on their list of her. And He, and I will say this until I'm blue in the face, you cannot pour from an empty cup, even if it's five minutes a day, do something for yourself. And here's the other thing, because I think the reason we don't do it is because we start thinking, oh my God, I'm being so selfish by doing so. You are not being selfish by taking care of yourself. Okay Yup. Because they tell you if you've ever been on an airplane, they tell you you've got to put your oxygen mask on first. So think about that. They, they tell you oxygen mask first. You make yourself a priority.

Jenn Eggert: If you don't put your oxygen mask on first, you're no good to get to. You can probably get to your first daughter, but can you get to your third by the time you make it there

Kori: Yup

Jenn Eggert: I want to, I want to talk about a meme I saw and it's kind of funny, but it's, oh, it was a meme on Facebook to says, spends $40 on a shirt for my daughter thinks nothing of it, looks at $12 leggings for myself and thinks no way.

Kori: I do that all the time with my daughter. Yeah. And like she has, I don't know how many pairs of sunglasses because we target Turkey and she sees the sunglasses. She said, mommy, I want the sunglasses. Okay, yeah, no problem. Yeah, we buy the sunglasses and then we're over at like the discount wreck, the discount wreck looking at jeans for me and I'm like, that can't buy these. I have jeans already that fit that they are, that

Jenn Eggert: Aren't that bad for about five years. They're still okay, but we can't do that folks. We've got to put ourselves first. I mean, I felt real guilty when my husband announced my birthday get this year concert tickets, something human I enjoy. But it's that taking those, that little bit of time away to regroup, put myself back together, do something I enjoy. And then come back and I am a better parent for it after.

Kori: Okay. So Angel says too, she was sitting in a parking lot yesterday and Timmy threw trash out the window. I was about to pick up a lady walks by, walks up and says, your child through trash. I said, I know I'm getting it. She says he shouldn't do that. I said, he don't understand his special needs. And then she says he still shouldn't do that. This isn't the place. So I say lady he doesn't understand. And then picking it up, it was a policy paper. You know that right. There was one of the main reasons I avoided leaving my house with my daughter. It wasn't so much that I didn't think that she could handle the outside world or that she couldn't handle public situations. And it was the judgment and all of like the snide remarks as little under the breath. Comments from people that maybe she couldn't hear that she couldn't see, but I could hear him that I could see. And I only have so much tolerance usually about that much for people who aren't in my family or who don't know my daughter.

Jenn Eggert: I would say I save all my tolerance for my kids.

Kori: Me Too. That's just it. It's like my patience level is about here where people who know me for my family. So it's about there by the time. Oh yeah. So Angel, I hear you there. That's another, I think another topic for another day. It's like how do you deal with all of the ignorant people in the world when it's all you can do to just make sure that your child's okay.

Jenn Eggert: And I understand Angel, when you say that, it's really hard when person judges your child. I get it, Riley. As much as I hate the saying, when people say she doesn't look his thick, she's high functioning.

Kori: She you just styled her hair different.

Jenn Eggert:That's why she doesn't look autistic.

Jenn Eggert: Well yeah, the Jojo Siwa elbow and her hair made it all perfect, you know Right. The $6 Jojo Siwa makes her all normal now folks.

Kori:The other thing too, it's like if you see an autistic individual in the community who doesn't look autistic, go to either say thank you to their parents. The go find their social worker there, that therapists, anybody and say thank you to them because

Kori: Well in some cases

Jenn Eggert: it took, When Riley was first diagnosed, we were told she would never be verbal and I remember looking at that doctor and saying, you don't know me at all. I am the daughter of a special needs mother. I saw my mother fight, I saw my mother go up against the government for care. I've saw how hard my mother fought and I saw the emotional toll it took on her. And I know my mother is sitting in the next room right now listening to me. Probably me. Are we really having this conversation But I saw my mother go through so much that when I was told Riley wouldn't talk, I just looked at it and said, Yup, okay. I walked out. I got, you know those baby carriers where you put the baby on you and you carry them around everywhere. I got one of those. I tossed her bum in there and everything I did, I explained to her everything from cooking to cleaning. She was constantly being, there were probably a billion times when Riley was a toddler where she would want to cover her ears and be like just quiet for two minutes.

Jenn Eggert: But I fought so hard for every single scale. My daughter has, her therapist fought so hard for every single scale she has inquiry.Kori, I know even though your daughter's nonverbal, you fought for every single skill, every little thing.

Kori: She learns new science. We do modified sign language with her and we were trying to figure out a way for her to be able to ask her iPad,cause just compartmentalize so she doesn't like using her communication device at home. So she's still uses sign language at home and trying to figure out all right, she's got it, she wants it. So I looked it up online, iPad assigned for IPAD and I taught it to her. I showed it to her. And within, I think like a couple repetitions, she had the sign down pat. So now she asks iPad please. All right. They can't.

Jenn Eggert: And that was, that's thing, don't look at language as only being verbal language.As long as they are asking in a way that works for you and for them they're communicating.

Kori: Yeah. It's not so much about language, it's about functional communication. Okay Yvonne,I want to that she says financially it is a struggle. They were living in California and they were receiving in home supportive services and it was a great help. They have since moved to Texas where those surfaces are not available and that has just added to my depression. This is something that I've come across with a couple of people that I've worked with. In that it varies. It really does vary from state to steep and even then from county to county and sometimes city to city. And that is really frustrating for me. I don't think I've ever realized just how lucky we are until I talked to some of their family. Sneaker kidding. Why wouldn't they offer, why can't it And it's it. And then, you know, going back to one of the reasons why Jason founded lakikid was that, and I remember talking to him about this too, when he and I first connected with that, one of the reasons he did this, oh, it's because of a lack of awareness and services in Asia.

Kori: And I've come across that as well because my Facebook page, like I've talked to quite a few Filipino moms and they are, it's heartbreaking and
really this is the other reason why I do what I do cause it, it frustrates me that parents can't get the support and the services that they need for their kids.

Jenn Eggert: Now I want to get to Kelly real quick. You've been looking for community like this for awhile because you don't know anyone going through this and you feel so alone. Kelly, I want to give you a couple of quick resources.lakikid.com/group is our private Facebook group for parents. Kori also has her own community. Kori at home. Is that it Kori.

Kori: It's actually autism family life. Like these book groups.


Jenn Eggert: Side note, Kori, I need to get in your Facebook group tonight. I keep meaning to do that because Kori and I are so we're two peas in a pod where we connect. We're very different but we're very much the same. Our struggles are very different but our struggles like all of you are the same and we want our, our community to know both sides because each group brings a different thing to the table.

Kori: I think we're at groups are our communities while they are as you just said.Very similar, They're also very complimentary.

Jenn Eggert:Yes

Kori:Absolutely

Jenn Eggert: Now I wasn't.

Kori: Chess has a son with ADHD and ASD for other son is low verbal spent three years since he has started to talk and he is hit or a biter.See my non verbal daughter when she was younger.


Kori: She was also a biter. She was not hit her. She did not hit that she did bite and she was in a Loper. She still is, she has a history of a low thing. that is our every four year now. It's a, it seems like it's every four years. that she just gets this really big. She's gotten out of the house twice.and that was a nightmare. Yes, that was a living nightmare.

Kori: the first time it happened because our house is not too far down from like a really busy intersection and she got out of the house like middle of the night. She was hungry. So she's looking for food. She unlocked the front door and she went down to the local Mcdonald's cause she loves their French fries.


Kori: And then yeah, when we called the police station, they said that they were like five minutes away from putting this on our local news and blasted on the local news. But as I'm talking to the police officer, I can hear my daughter in the background.


Kori: And you know, they're asking me to describe herself.Of Course I described her to achieve because I know what she looks like, but it was the aftermath of that. And it wasn't just the having to deal with CPS because that's also a nightmare because they just don't get it. But I don't think I have slept fully since that night. And that was when she was eight years old. Yeah. And she's going to be 18 this year. Assessment Tech Year we said, I don't think I've gotten a full nights .

Jenn Eggert: And parents, I want to say if your child is a Loper, like Kori's I recommend getting a second padlock, but having it backwards. Yup. And wearing that key around your neck.


Jenn Eggert: I mean, whatever it takes to keep your child safe. There's also door alarms. Who could buy at any hardware store, the dollar store, Walmart. It doesn't matter. Keep if what you have to do to keep your child safe. Because as you can see, 10 years later, Kori is still traumatized by this event. Now mind you, her daughter probably forgot about it within minutes of seeing mummy again.

Kori: Yeah. and I think Jason that you to culture city. Yes. They have a plot the lifeboats

Jenn Eggert: And it comes with a buddy tracker.

Kori: Yup. Which is an awesome thing.

Jenn Eggert: I was just triggers for your home in your car.

Kori: I have two things on my own blog. They're like printable ID cards where you just fill out the inflammation you know, name, emergency phone numbers and all that stuff.

Kori: I want to get back to some of the comments too. Cause Angel said me people being rude and judging her five-year-old kills. I agree. Yup. I hate that too about people

Jenn Eggert: and you von jumps more into it a little bit more in depth, in depth because her child wants to do things. Yeah. But he's going to pull up. So you bring them out and he's judged. Oh yeah. And it's so hard. I bring Riley out and I remember last year we went to a local carnival that happens every year in my town and this woman was standing in line and her daughter kept taking her shoes off in line and everyone was judging and looking in the turnaround. And I looked at her and I said, she autistic by chance. And she goes, yes. And she's never tried to ride, but we want to try my husband and I want to try. And she said, but it is so hard being a black woman trying to do this because everyone thinks we're torturing her when we have to pick her up to move her because she physically would not move herself.

Jenn Eggert: And I remember that really bothered me. So when the one carnival worker commented, I turned around and I may have went off a little bit bill, they're not hurting their child. They are trying to lift her onto the ride because they feel she would enjoy it because she enjoys that type of movement. But just moving her in general was very difficult for this child. She was fixated on sitting, taking her shoes on and off. So when daddy picked her up and moved her, yes, she freaked out. She screamed and people thought they were hurting her when they weren't. They were trying to involve her in the community. I was so thankful when the next ride that they went to, the lady took their tickets and said, oh no, no, no, no. She's special needs mom and dad ride for free beside her.

Kori:Oh, that's awesome.

Jenn Eggert:That's what we need folks. We need to make our voices heard.The more we talk about mental health, the more we talk about the needs of our children, the more people will understand. I mean, April's awareness month, but April of only one month out of 12.

Kori: We do autism awareness. We do autism acceptance. That is seven days a week, 365, 24 hours.

Jenn Eggert:Give in like Kori and I said, my child looks normal because I put a bow in her hair. I mean, I'm so tired of she looks normal. My husband once said, I washed her face this morning.

Kori: Mom's here to who it's says the same thing, like buying things for our kids. No problem at all. Buying things for herself. Big issue. Kelly, Holly illustrate and seeing any lung. She said she works at target. He used to work at target too but then I realized how much of it is. that was just like, I'm like, you know, just keep my paycheck because I'm going to spend it all here. Anything.
Jenn Eggert: Yup.folks, don't be afraid to say you know and my husband is more than me. Don't be afraid.

Kori: And Yvonne, that's too, she's like if she had a dollar for every time someone visits now see if I'm there you go. People could pay for.

Jenn Eggert: for your child there. Then she also follows up with, she goes, I've had, I wonder what normal looks like when people say your child looks normal. I love the saying, I heard once normal is a setting on the washing machine and that's about normal.

Kori:Normal is on a watch to machine and when people talk about the labeling to like yeah, labels are for things that you buy.And my first sale, nope. If my child first sale. Absolutely not. He, I think about it sometimes, but you don't put your child for sale on Ebay. You put them on Etsy.

Jenn Eggert: You made that child. But normal doesn't even account in typical families. My sister has four kids. She will tell you her life is anything but normal Friday she had to leave her children home because her appendix was about to burst and she had surgery at one o'clock in the morning.

Kori:Yvonne, Yes we can both pop up comments to the groups in type out links to the comments. We'll drop links to the both of our groups here. Yes. And then a colleague, she says her dream is to work with kids and families with special needs. That I just don't know where to start. That is why I'm doing what I'm doing. That's why Jason started lakikid is so we can work with kids and families with special needs.

Jenn Eggert: and I can give more a little bit on the career path. You can also take to talk to you further access if you're looking to make a career out of it. You can also look at a personal caregiver course. Like a CSW I think is cold out here.

Kori: Oh Jessica, she said her son used to take off on a major highway at the doctors one time. Oh yeah, yeah. Oh that is my daughter. One time we were, we had just done, we were and where we're doing our first family vacation, this is when her father and I were still together and we were going to sesame place cause she loves sesame street. And sesame place in Langhorne, Pennsylvania. It's about an hour and a half and do two hours a day.Philadelphia we stopped at the mall, we stopped at the Philadelphia and off my heart almost dropped. We were walking around with the top level of mall and she got loose. She was holding my hand, but then she saw something, something caught her attention and she was off. Like, I don't think I've ever run that fast in my life ever because she was off and like I don't care if there are people in my way, my daughter, I had to be able to keep up with her. That's scary is when they took off in public.

Jenn Eggert: I agree. Now, unfortunately we are getting quite late, almost double our time and I'm not quite done. But there is one more question I want to get to. If your questions were not answered, Kori's group and our lakikid group will be posted in the comments section just as soon as we get offline because Kori and I can't comment while we're on the show. So we will both comment when we're done the show possibly Miguel, if you have the links for both of them.I don't know if Miguel has your link. If Kori, if you could give Miguel your link in our orange chat. Sure. Miguel, if you could take both links for us and drop them in the comment section for us. Angela, I want to get to the Angel sense, the GPS tracker. Please, please. Before you invest any money in a gps tracker, talk to your school. Yes. Our schools refuse to allow them here. Yeah. It's a cause. It's a privacy issue. It's a privacy issue. So do not spend the money without talking to your school board because for many it's a waste of money.

Kori: This is one other thing, I think it's really important to you. I know this was supposed to be ethical about the mental health, but Melinda, she said her husband and I took their son to a play date at a special needs group. One parent asked fly, their son looked normal and she says she was so taken a back. She felt blindsided by that comment and she thought it was a safe place. Call Melinda, This is something that I have come across in several special needs, supports groups, even in just autism specific support groups where people are turning this into more of low functioning versus high functioning. You don't understand because your child's not high functioning or you don't understand because your child's not moved functioning. And I think without getting into how I really, really feel about it cause I won't get into my cursing mode cause it makes me so angry. That is such a load of crap.We are all parents. You're all in this. We are all struggling being, you can't compare your problems to somebody else's problems. You can't compare your winnings with somebody else's race. This is not the time or the place for judgment. This is the time and place for support. I don't care what your, you know, my struggles are not any bigger than somebody else's struggles.

Jenn Eggert: Well and the inquiry, look at you and I an older child, she's non verbal. She's a Loper. she's lower functioning. I have a younger child, higher functioning, very verbal. I mean she knows words that her teacher asks or not to use because most, but Kori and I, we both understand each other on the same level because we both have our unique struggles. And I just want to say, Yvonne, I'm laughing at your comment. Thank goodness for the bow. I agree. Thank goodness that of my daughter's hair, you know, that makes all the difference.

Kori: Hey, maybe if we were these bows then we won't look like we have mental health issues. Right.

Jenn Eggert: Well we don't want you to stretch a little bows folks. Fill is to hide my handle a ball. We'll have to be a clip on.

Kori: At the pebbles though. You can do it like pebbles. Flintstone.

Jenn Eggert:So folks, I hope you realize that yes, we're being serious, but when we're talking mental health, there's also a side where we have to take it lightly. We have to kind of to be able to sit back and laugh and be like, that was horrific. But it's over. It happened.

Kori: It's like what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I think it's Kelly Clarkson. I Dunno,

Jenn Eggert: But now it, it's true. It's very true. Jason has dropped the link for lakikid.com/support. Unfortunately Miguel has let me know that he cannot post the links. Well, he is producing the show. So Kori will drop her link as soon as we're done on the show. In the comments section. I know she wants everyone to have both groups so that we can do something. I have to say what you've bond just said. This is so true. It's not a competition. It's about compassion. Yes. Thank you Yvonne. I want to blow that up and put that everywhere.

Kori: Yes. Maybe that can be our, our tagline for this collaboration and partnership that we have going between our communities. This is not competition.

Jenn Eggert: Exactly and I will encourage everyone from our lakikid group to please when Kori posts her group join Kori's group and let your hearing fine.

Kori: Yes. I'm going to make sure that I post for lakikid with my group as well.

Jenn Eggert: Kori, send me the link and I will post it and group and that way we can kind of cross. We're not a competition folks. As you could see, Kori and I are both moms. I'm possibly stepping away from the microphone for a few days to deal with my own health issues and I've actually went to another special needs mom who gets it. Yes, she has her own company in her own side of things, but I have asked Kori to step in and take over for me because we're not in competition with each other. This is support. We're what each other has for support for community, for, I mean I love all of my special needs moms because I understand what you're going through and I was wondering when you were going to say that Melinda is my humorous one. Guess let's get the boys a little bow tie and the grill.

Kori:Bow tie for the boy's hair bows for the girls. We're going to start a trend. No more awareness ribbons were going to do and wearing his pose and bow ties.

Jenn Eggert: We do have people in our group who could probably make that happen. That would be funny. I want to thank every single one of you for coming again. We will be posting links to both groups and in her group. She will post the link to our group in our, in our group. Once I get it, I will post a link to her group. I'd like to encourage all of you to bond together. Most of us here today have been women, but we do have men. Let's bond together as a family of support. It doesn't matter what community you come from, what race, what ethnic background, what financial background, what mental health status you are. We are each other's family and each other's community of Support.

Kori:No more judgment, no more competition. This is about compassion and inclusion and love support.

Jenn Eggert: I agree. So I want to thank everyone for joining us today and remind everyone tomorrow 1:00 PM Eastern. I'm doing a live trivia show to celebrate the Kickstarter launch of this writable weighted lap pad. There is a live trivia show. Kori, please let your community know to join us tomorrow because we'll actually be giving away. I can't even remember how many prizes Jason told me. It wasn't an over $200 worth of over 200 and some dollars for the prizes, including passes two passes to Kori's class that we are working on together to help called demystifying behavior. I think we're changing the name, but I'm not sure of Kori and I are.

Kori: We were tweaking the name, but it's the eight step framework to become a hallmark parents and lots of stick channels.

Jenn Eggert:So we're giving away that. We're promoting our Kickstarter launched tomorrow. We're giving away fidget bands, ball chairs, and wiggle seats.

Jenn Eggert: So join us if you can join us live. Still Watch the replay because at the very end I'm going to give you a way to still win prizes throughout the month of May. I will be giving away three prizes every Monday for the whole month of May. So thank you all for joining us today. All right, I'm Jenn Eggert and this is Kori. I can never say Kori's last name.

Kori:Tomelden.

Jenn Eggert: Okay. And you can join me every Monday live at 1:00 PM Easter for more parenting tips. Don't forget, tomorrow special show is that 1:00 PM Tuesday eastern time where you can join us to try and win prizes and learn more about our Kickstarter launch. It will be trivia Tuesday, so it will be trivia. So I hope you know your special needs Trivia. Now, remember you can always join our Facebook group@lakikid.com/group.Kori will be posting her links and I will post her linking group. We will do the same and her group. Yes. Join both of our groups. Until next time, remember, every child brings good luck.

Related Episodes


Back to the top